Newly released Unearthed Arcana once pushed the boundaries of what DnD could be. It would leave players and shocked and titillated by broken boundaries and DMs thinking "How the shit am I going to kill that?" Sadly, this reviewer has found that the latest unearthed arcana should have just been left in the ground.
Crawford and crew have released a slew of yawn-worthy unearthed arcana with slight improvement to Draconic bloodlines, and some Glampire cosplay. And while I appreciate this move on WotC's part to abstract Race from Culture (I actually really do appreciate it a lot) I hunger for the weird shit like Onomancy (the magic of names that inspired my Kompromancy subclass) or the revival of the Mystic. While WotC sleeps on true innovation, other publishers like MCDM is released the game-shaking class of the Illrigger that turns archetypes on their heads.
Jeremy, I'm calling you out. We're done with vampires and dragons. Lets push DnD to new extremes again. I and the world of TTRPGers are begging for something revolutionary!
To put it bluntly: We're done with the old races. We want to play as food. Enter: the Spooky Food playable race that Jeremy isn't brave enough to release. Below is the courageously designed Spooky Food race with Nash and Drank subraces. Really push the boundaries with roleplay at your kitchen table by getting into the character of a Grave Cleric that's also a Floating Hotdog or a Drunken Monk that's also a haunted beer-filled boot.
Set aside tired fantasy tropes and use Undying Hunger to move your spirit from foodstuff to foodstuff and You a Snack to trick your enemies into consuming you for the purposes of possessing them.
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Spooky Food
Haunted Food
Creatures from all walks of life share a great passion for food. From master chefs who serve kings and heroes to starving orphans who resort to eating dirt-dusted apple cores, everyone agrees that food is important. For some unique souls, food is not just mortal sustenance but a gateway to the afterlife. Perhaps you had a deep spiritual connection with a charcuterie plate or you died trying to dry-swallow a turkey leg. No matter how you lived or died by the dish, you find yourself spending an endless afterlife latching your spectral self to loose floating spaghetti or ghostly rotted cakes, adventuring as the nibbles and noshes that defined your life or your death.
A Grave Cleric / Haunted Hotdog
Creature Type. Undead
Size. Your size is tiny
Speed. You have a hover speed of 30 feet.
Undying Hunger. In life, you had a passion for food; perhaps as a chef or just an enthusiastic snacker. In death, your spirit refused an afterlife and has latched itself to one foodstuff or another. You take the form of any food item of your choice.
You can spend a short or long rest moving your spirit from one foodstuff to another within 30 feet of you, taking on the new foodstuff as your corporeal form. This may change your subrace but does not make any change to your stats otherwise.
If you die, you return to life 24 hours after death. If your body is destroyed, your spirit latches onto the nearest foodstuff within 1 mile of your body. If no foodstuff exists, you can choose a foodstuff of your choice as your new form. If your equipment was destroyed, you do not regain it. As your spirit inhabits new foodstuffs, you can swap your subrace of Nash or Drank to best reflect the solid or liquid form of your ghostly food.
Corporeal Wielding. While in a corporeal foodstuff form physical limitations of wielding armor, weapons, and material components are of no concern to you. Your armor and weapons float around your foodstuff body and you have the ability to expend somatic components as necessary. You have the same ability to hold and manipulate objects as a standard humanoid creature but instead of hands, your objects hover spookily in front of you.
You count as small when determining your carrying capacity and the weight you can push, drag, or lift.
Spoopy Hover. As a hovering spooky foodstuff, you can hover anywhere from 1 inch to 8 feet above the ground. Moving vertically does not expend additional movement.
You A Snack. While remaining still, a creature unfamiliar with you can make an Intelligence Saving Throw (DC = 12 + your Proficiency Modifier). On a failed save the creature mistakes you for perfectly consumable foodstuff that's definitely not haunted.
If a creature consumes you, you are not destroyed and do not take damage. Instead, you possess that creature, taking on its stats, basic abilities, and initiative. If the creature is a spell caster, you do not have access to its spells. At the end of a possessed creature's turn, they must make a DC 10 Constitution Saving Throw. On a successful save, they regurgitate your corporal form in-tact. You regain your original initiative and stats. The creature is no longer possessed. On a failed save the creature continues to be possessed and makes another Constitution Saving Throw at the end of their following turn. As an action, you can cause the possessed creature to regurgitate you early.
Ability Score Increases. When determining your character’s ability scores, increase one of those scores by 2 and a different score by 1, or increase three different scores by 1. Follow this rule regardless of the method you use to determine the scores, such as rolling or point buy. The “Quick Build” section for your character's class offers suggestions on which scores to increase. You’re free to follow those suggestions or to ignore them. Whichever scores you decide to increase, none of the scores can be raised above 20.
Languages. Your character can speak, read, and write Common and one other language that you and your DM agree is appropriate for the character. The Player’s Handbook offers a list of widespread languages to choose from. The DM is free to add or remove languages from that list for a particular campaign.
Circle of Spores Mushroom and Pepperoni Pizza
Subrace: Nash
While your spirit inhabits a solid form such as a cooked pheasant leg, a loaf of bread, or a 2-week old taquito, your subrace is Nash.
Appetizing. You have proficiency in the Persuasion skill.
Toasted: You're resistant to fire damage.
Frozen Foods. You're immune to cold damage. When you sustain cold damage you instead gain (1d4 × Proficiency Bonus) in temporary hit points.
Speak with Snacks. You can use an action to imbue foodstuff within 30 feet of you with limited sentience and animation, giving them the ability to communicate with you for up to 1 hour. You can question foodstuff about events in the spell’s area within the past day, gaining information about creatures that have passed, events they might have been party to, and other circumstances. Once you use this ability, you cannot use it again until you complete a long rest.
While your spirit inhabits a liquid form such as a goblet of wine or a Big Gulp, your subrace is Drank.
Sneaky Drinky. You have proficiency in the Stealth skill.
Cupped. Your default status is one where your liquid form is completely contained within a container such as a goblet, chalice, or milk carton. While your liquid form is encompassed inside of a container, your AC is increased by one. The container moves with your body as one. Being in this state does not inhibit your ability to hold items, wear armor, or any other actions defined within Corporeal Wielding.
As a bonus action you can choose to change your state from Cupped to Spilt.
Spilt. Your liquid form spills out of your container and you become a loose floating or crawling liquid form. While in this liquid form, you do not have the benefits of Corporeal Wielding and cannot take the Attack action. Instead you gain the following benefits:
You can cast the cantrip Shape Water on yourself as a free action
You can use 15 feet of movement to move through any space as narrow as 1 inch
You are immune from being grappled or restrained
While within 5 feet of a Tiny container, as a bonus action, you can choose to change your state from Spilt to Cupped, donning that container.
No items found.
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